I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
