I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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