So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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