dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
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Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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