I met the friendliest cop last night
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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