I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize