I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
