Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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