I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
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You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I love you.
Bad choice
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