Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
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this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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