Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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