Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize