never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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