those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
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Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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