Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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