Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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