i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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