We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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