Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize