Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize