Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
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I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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