When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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