My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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