Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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