1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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