he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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