Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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