Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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