Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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