I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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