I think I am morally bankrupt
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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