Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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