Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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