I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize