if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize