John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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