I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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