this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
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So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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