Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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