Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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