I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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