I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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