he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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