Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Boobs are out for the taking
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do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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