Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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