One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize