Just fell off a train. Bad.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
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Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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