I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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