the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
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My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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