im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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