So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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